I was hoping to write a positive and upbeat blog since my last few have been a bit depressing but I feel like I have this freaking black cloud over my head. I wanted to vent and write about Ami yesterday but I was too much in shock and then just too upset in general.

Ami Jordan was one of the first girls in porn that I met and became close with. Back when I first came out to California to start doing porn, I was with Type 9 Models and when I came out here for weeks at a time, I would stay in a model house. I’m not going to lie and say it was a fantastic situation but I made due the best that I could. I was coming out to a state where I knew no one and I had to live with anywhere from 3 to 8 girls at a time in a 4 bedroom house. There was usually 2 girls to a room and you flew in and had no idea who you’d be rooming with. It was awkward at first but I kind of got used to it. The fact that we had no transportation and were kind of located in the ghetto, didn’t make it much better either.

On my first trip out here to Cali, I met Ami. Ami was from Tennessee and had this cute southern accent. She had bright blonde hair and was super sweet. She was a natural beauty and we got along right away. After getting to know her quite well (we always had tons of time to kill so we talked about pretty much everything) I found out that she had a hard life and seemed to always have things never going her way. I also found out that she had a problem with some substances and my heart went out to her. She was such a sweetheart but seemed to always be struggling in one situation or another. As much as I wanted to help, it wasn’t any of my business so I just tried to give my advice and leave it at that.

Once we got to know each other a little better, we started making more friends and going out to all of the porn parties with other girls in the model house. At that time we were all getting along great and having an awesome time. After a few trips out to Cali, I stopped seeing her. We would keep in contact here and there via text but other then that I would just hear how she was doing and what she was up to from other people in the industry. I really liked Ami so I was sad that we never came out to work at the same time anymore.

About 6 months ago was the last time I heard about her. I didn’t hear good things because I was told that she had gotten into some more trouble at home and might be taking a break from the business. I remember hitting her up in a text but never got a response. I had figured she got a new number or something and hopefully I would run into her at some point. Then yesterday Cassandra gets a text from a friend in the industry saying, ‘it’s so sad about Ami Jordan.’ Cass had never met her and was just reading the text to me and when she said Ami’s name, my mouth dropped. I was scared to ask what was wrong with Ami but the sickening feeling in my stomach already told me.

As far as I  know, it’s uncertain as to what caused her death. Since I  know her and know the things she has encountered I’m pretty sure I know how she passed away. Porn really fucks with girls in general but it’s so sad to know that she was only 19 years old. She was just a baby and now she’s gone.

I can’t help but think back to so many good times that I had only a year ago with Ami and all of the girls at the Type 9 model house. I can’t believe she’s gone and I wish we would have kept in contact more and I could have done or helped prevent this. I know I probably couldn’t have but death really fucks me and for whatever reason, I feel helpless.

I was going to post pictures of Ami because I used to have a bunch of us, but I can’t seem to find them now I could search her online but I’m sorry, the last thing I want to see is nude photos of her. I knew her beyond Ami and I don’t want to remember her as Ami Jordan. Life really is too short

Sorry guys, I just needed to get this off of my chest. I promise more positive blogs coming soon. I’m feeling more upbeat lately (other then this tragedy) so I’m going to get back to posting fun pics and blogs every day Love you all.

Where do I begin? I feel like I’m always talking about my Kink shoots lately. Every time I go, I think, ‘how bad could it possibly be this time?’ and then I’m shown how crazy intense they can be.

Monday Cassandra and I hopped onto a plane and went to Kink together. We were going to be shooting for www.whippedass.com. Kink booked Cassandra and I together because last time I went to shoot for that site was when I was paired up with Jayme Langford and the shoot was a disaster and had gotten canceled. I had told them about Cassandra when I was there before and said that she would be a great replacement and they’d get a great scene out of us. I always enjoy going with her because it’s nice flying there with someone and having someone to talk to and hang out with.

Prior to the whippedass.com shoot, I had no idea what the scenario was going to be until I was in the makeup chair and I found out that we were re-doing the exact scene that had gotten canceled a couple weeks back. I liked the scenario but my agent hadn’t told me that I was definitely going to be doing gg anal so I didn’t prepare for it. Isis Love comes up to me and talks about the shoot and mentions the anal part and I freaked for a minute because I was hoping they weren’t going to make me do it.  If I would have know that we were re-doing the exact scene then I would have prepared for the anal but it was too late at that point. It turned out to not be a big deal and they just switched some things around to0 make it work. Since we were re-doing the scene, that meant that we got to wear the french maid latex again which I was excited about! I actually wound up wearing an outfit that wasn’t the exact outfit that I had wore before but it was latex and I loved it.

The site whippedass.com is a girl/girl site that has a lot of (no surprise) ass whipping and smacking. The first scene we come in to meet Isis because she’s looking to hire a new assistant so Cassandra and I were applying for the job. The catch is that Isis is crazy and wants to make us her little play toys so she has us put on our “uniforms” that are the latex outfits. After we get our outfits on she puts gags in our mouths that have dusters on the end of them and makes us start cleaning her house. While we’re cleaning she’s flogging us, slapping our asses like crazy and just torturing us altogether.

The first scene leads into the second scene where we’re on a couch tied to the railing of the stairs that’s behind us. Our hands are tied to our ankles, and our ankles are tied behind our heads to the stairs. On top of that, my left foot and wrist and Cassandra’s right foot and wrist are all tied together. We’re on our backs and from being tied up, our pussies are wide open and exposed. It took a long time to get all tied together so before we even started, I was losing feeling in my hands and feet. The second scene was really hard core for me because Isis used a cane on us to whip us and it hurts like HELL!! She kept slapping our inner thighs and the bottoms of our feet and hurt even worse because my feet were asleep so her hitting them, brought them back to life and intensified the pain. Isis also put metal nipple clamps on us and it felt like my nipples were going to fall off. My nipples are normally extremely sensitive so I was screaming my lungs out when she put them on. I think she was feeling nice that day because she didn’t keep them on for long luckily. I was seriously ready to tap out because of the clamps. I never want them to be used on me again!

I was so relieved when the second scene was over but that still meant that we had 2 more to go. The third scene was crazier then the second of course. Cassandra was tied to the foot of the bed with her arms tied out like she was on a cross, her head down on the bed and her legs tied with a leg bar. I had my arms and hands tied behind my back with a dildo gag attached to my face. I had to fuck Cassandra from behind with the dildo attached to my face and then make her suck on it while Isis was whipping and flogging our asses over and over. It was hard for me because I had to climb onto the bed at one point but it was SO hard to do with arms tied behind my back. You don’t realize how much you need your arms until they’re tied up and you can barely do anything.

Finally it was the fourth scene. I was now tied to the head of the bed with my arms tied back behind the railing  so that the head of the bed was DIGGING into my back. It killed as soon as I was tied so I just had to put myself into another place. I was sitting on my knees and Isis had Cassandra tied up with her arms and hands behind her back and she forced her to slide under my pussy and eat me out as she flogged us. Isis also used the hitachi on us numerous times and I came like crazy. Cumming as much as I did pretty much makes it worth all the pain that you have to go through.

I’d have to say that the re-do of the shoot was way better then the original would have been. I had a lot of fun but was definitely exhausted by the end of the day. I had to stay the night at the Armory because I was booked for another scene the next day. I was sad that Cassandra wasn’t staying with me because I was super bored after she left. I went into the green room to eat dinner and wound up falling asleep on the couch as I watched Intervention. I didn’t want to pass out there so at 730pm, I went to my room and closed my eyes for the night. I honestly didn’t think I was going to sleep until 9am the next morning but my room was super dark and quiet and my bed was so freaking comfortable that I couldn’t help but sleep for 14 hours.

The next morning, I waited for the makeup artist to get in before hopping in the makeup chair and finding out what my scene for www.sexandsubmission.com was going to entail. I was working with Mark Davis who I’d never worked with before and I got to wear latex again. The scenario was that I was showing up for my breast reduction surgery and Mark Davis was my doctor. He didn’t want me to get a reduction and he was a pervy doctor so he wanted to show me some pleasure pain before doing my surgery. It was kind of corny but it worked since I have huge tits.

The first scene was Mark walking me down the hall to the doctor’s room. He hands me a gown and tells me to put it on for the examination. I lay down and he comes back to ask me some questions and then he has me take the gown off so he can examine my body. After he examines my body, he has me bend over and he ties my hands up with rope, starts flogging me to take away the pain from my back. I question his actions and then he takes control and tells me that he has a few procedures that can help with my back pain.  He also has me suck his cock before we end and go into the second scene.

The second scene I’m tied down to a table that has the stirrups, like when you go to the gynecologist. I was strapped down so I couldn’t move and then a ball gag was placed into my mouth so the “other patients” couldn’t hear me scream. Mark uses breast suction pumps on my tits which was a very crazy feeling, the zapper which KILLED for some reason this time and used the hitachi until I came and while he was fucking me. He fucks me for awhile while he’s slapping me all over and then it ends for the second scene.

The third scene I’m tied up in a ton of rope on a hospital bed in doggy position. Mark basically just fucks me in this scene along with some bj action as well. The whole time he’s fucking me he is slapping my ass over and over in the same place and it freaking killed! I was screaming my ass off and was in tears because it hurt so much. I cry a lot in my kink scenes but it’s because it’s how I deal with pain. I can’t help it, as soon as something hurt, tears just start building up in my eyes.  When I start to cry, Mark always addresses it and makes sure that I want to continue.  I always do so he fucks me some more to end the scene.

The last and final scene was my favorite because I finally got to put on my latex nurse outfit. I was kind of bummed that I didn’t get to wear it longer because I only wore it for about 15min in the last scene. The reason I put the outfit on was because he’s had his fun with me but then he wanted to make me his sex slave and told me that I wasn’t going to get my surgery after all. I start off with this contraption that looked freaking crazy. It’s made out of metal and it went around my head and I had to hold my wrists up because it went around my wrists as well. It was really awkward so I had to blow Mark and get fucked in the annoying contraption. The last scene seemed the shortest because Mark was feeling really ill so we made sure we got through it quickly. Mark came on my face and in my mouth and ordered me to swallow. I normally don’t swallow on film but he ordered me to do it and I didn’t have time to say no.

I think both scenes were hot but they really wore me out. I have bruises all over my body right now and yesterday I had to take a low key day and just stay home and relax and recuperate from it all. I feel like I only shoot for Kink and work on my site lately, which is fine by me. I wonder when the next time they’ll be having me back. I can’t wait

I think it’s great when celebrities all of a sudden come out with a homemade porno. It’s usually when the hype of themselves has lowered and they need a boost to get people talking about them again. The latest celeb is Kendra Wilinson from The Girls Next Door. I personally LOVE her and I can’t help but watch her show on E!. I used to watch The Girls Next Door BECAUSE of her so I think it’s awesome that Vivid is releasing a homemade porn of hers.

The deal is that her ex held onto the tape after they had a sour breakup and waited for her career to heighten before he handed over to Vivid and made a deal. At first, Kendra wanted nothing to do with it, hired a lawyer and was trying to prevent it from being released. After meeting with Vivid and finding out how much money she could make on the release, she cashed in on the deal! The reason I’m posting this (other then thinking she’s adorable) is because I can’t believe people are bashing her for cashing in on the video! It’s JUST a video and yes it will haunt her but $100,000 is A LOT of money! I’m not a money hungry bitch but she’s trying to get her name back in the tabloids so why not make some dough in the process. Maybe porn has jaded me a bit and that’s why I think she should totally go for it but what are YOUR thoughts? If you were a celebrity would you cash in? Or would you go tell them to go fuck themselves and fight it? It just seems that so many celebrities are seeing how much they can benefit from having a homemade sex tape randomly surface. It’s moments like these that it seems like porn is getting closer and closer to mainstream! C’mon now, everyone fucks and has their own sex tapes! I just don’t get why people have to be so uptight about it. It’s JUST sex!!!

For more on the story, you can check it out here and this is where you read the bashing of poor Kendra

I just wanted to let everyone know that the bugs that we were experiencing yesterday on www.sierraskyelive.com are pretty much fixed. There’s a few things that are still being worked on but the site and everything about it is WAY faster then it was yesterday. Yesterday nothing would load and we couldn’t even upload new content to the server. The reason for this was an attack called a ddos attack: denial of service attack (click the link to read more about it). In lamest terms, someone was trying to hack into our server. The reason is to gather usernames and passwords to distribute them on the internet so people can gain access to my site for free. They didn’t succeed but they don’t care, they’re just happy knowing that they’re bringing the site down for a day. Since my site is new, it’s a common thing to happen but it was annoying and frustrating. I never want my site to go down like that so that it gives my members problems.

Today when I got to the office, my webmaster said that things were much better and we could actually work on the server which is good news. I think it’s great that I have haters because it shows that my hard work is paying off because it’s making others jealous so they want to try and bring me down. They can keep trying too but we’re smart and got our shit together and even if my site gets attacked again, we’ll survive. Next time, we’ll just be prepared

If you’re a member and wondered what the heck was going on, now you know what was up. If you were someone checking out the site and decided to not join because the site was slow, just know that it was a bug and we’ve fixed it.

I also wanted to let everyone know that my first archived webcam show is now up on the site in the member’s area. I did another show today at 4pm and that will most likely be in the member’s area tomorrow. Just plan that each cam show that I do, will be posted the following day so if you missed the show, you can always check it out on a later date.

That’s all of the site news that I have at the moment. I have a lot of fun things planned, so stay tuned! I still need to get a new digital camera so I can post some naughty pics here for you too. I know, I’ve been slacking. My camera was taken when I went to the 420 Festival and I have yet to shop around and get one. Soon lovers, soon!! <3

Today I came up with a genius idea! I will be making my own mini series of a reality show for youtube entitled ‘My Real Porn Life’. Below is the pilot, just a quick video o f another day at my office. Thursday I will be shooting the first episode so make sure you subscribe to me on youtube to catch all of my upcoming episodes. My Real Porn Life is going to funny, serious, sexy, have drama showcase the good and the bad, and most importantly, be REAL! It’s going to be all about my struggles and the pay offs that come along with it from my personal life. It’s going to be a lot of fun so make sure you stick around!

This video made me laugh so freaking hard that I NEEDED to share it with you!! Freaking hilarious!!

Today has been an awesome day. I just got off of my 2 hour cam show with some one my kickass members of www.sierraskyelive.com ! I was only going to hang on cam for an hour since I have lots of work to do, but I was having so much fun and wound up getting horny a second time that I stayed on for 2 hours!! It’s so awesome to get to know my members on personal basis. For those that joined me tonight, thank you so much for a good time and hopefully I’ll see you again tomorrow or sometime soon! We also just figured out how to record all of my webcam shows so starting tomorrow we will be recording each one and the non-edited archived shows will be availble to watch on www.sierraskyelive.com at anytime! It just keeps getting better and better so don’t miss out on tomorrow’s show! The time has yet to be determined but it’ll most likely be the same time as today’s, around 7-70pm pst. Hopefully, I’ll see you guys there

Earlier today I went on a little hour road trip with my webmaster to Rancho Cucamonga. One of my fans on twitter, Jesse,  had told me that he had a brand new litter of puppies. I’ve been wanting to get a puppy of my own but just haven’t had the time to look for one so when he started showing me pictures, I was hooked! The puppies are american bulldog/rottweiller “bullweiller” mix and are only 2 weeks old but I really wanted to see them in person.  When I told my web master about the puppies, he got all excited and wanted to go too because he also wants a puppy of his own!

When we got there, I just fell in love with the puppy that Jesse had picked out for me. She was so tiny and so adorable. I felt like we bonded right away and she kept nuzzling and giving me kisses. There were a ton of puppies and it was hard to pick a favorite! We stayed for awhile, playing with the puppies and even meeting the mama and poppa. The poppa alone, the rottweiler was 170lbs! He was huge! I had a lot of fun bonding with the puppies, so much so that I didn’t want to leave.  Now I can’t wait to go back in 2 weeks to see them again! They’re going to be so big by then and it’ll be cool to see all of them with their growing personalities.

Today we took A LOT of pictures and a whole bunch of videos of our trip to see the puppies, for SierraSkyeLive.com. Everything is being edited and will be uploaded to my site very soon but until then, here are a few pictures from today that I posted earlier on twitter.

I’ve been so busy with the launch of my site that I totally forgot to tell you guys about my latest shoot for kink.com! It was my first time shooting for www.wiredpussy.com and I knew I was in for it before I even got there. The whole basis of that site is electrocution; tt actually sounds a lot worse then it really is. My dom for the day was Aiden Starr. My first impression of her wasn’t fantastic but that was only because she was on the phone for the first couple hours of meeting her so I assumed that she was another stuck up porn chick. After hanging with her while we were in makeup and wardrobe together, I realized that I was all wrong. Aiden is super short 4′11″ to be exact and super hot. I had to endue quite a bit of electrocution and Aiden make sure I was okay at all times.

The first scene I was tied and blindfolded right away. It doesn’t sound that bad but I wasn’t warned as to what toys were going to be used on me first, so from being blindfolded, I had no clue what was going on. Usually being blindfolded is fun and kinky but at that moment, it scared the shit out of me. I automatically started whimpering because I was petrified as to how bad everything was going to hurt. The first toy they used was a wand and I could barely feel the electricity as Aiden slowly brushed it against my skin. I felt it a little more on sensitive areas so I was relieved at first. Then all of a sudden I heard another toy that was sounded super fucking scary. I couldn’t stop shaking because I was hoping I would be able to see it before I felt it so I could prepare myself. Luckily the toy was just used as a scare tactic. After she was done scaring me for the moment, she had me get on my hands and knees so she could whip, flog and smack my ass. My ass has never been hit that hard before so I was fighting back the tears. Next was the zapper. I had the zapper used on me before so when I heard it I thought I was going to be fine but I found out later that she was charging it while she zapped my ass and that was why it hurt WAY worse then normal. I was screaming from the zapper and every time I pulled away, she did it again. Aiden even jumped on my back and had me walk her around on my hands and knees, going in a circle as she zapped me. She kept telling me to walk faster or she’d zap me more but no matter how fast I went, it still wasn’t fast enough for her. Aiden was already going that hard in the first scene so I was really nervous to find out how the rest of the shoot was going to go.

The second scene was where they took the blindfold off. I finally got to see what was going on but when I saw what the insanely scary sound was, I wanted to break free and RUN! The scary noise was a stun gun!! I could just tell that it was going to hurt like the cattle prod so I almost instantly started crying. I really didn’t want to have that used on me but because I go hard, I let Aiden taser me. I was chained up to a pillar and underneath me was a sybian. I was strapped down so that I couldn’t move and I’d be forced to orgasm all while being tasered. They wanted to use the stun gun more but I had to tap out after about 5-6 times because it hurt THAT bad. The first time she tasered me, I actually slammed the back of my head against the piller and almost knocked myself out. Craziness!

In the third scene I was tied in ropes all over my body and my left boob was even tied to my knee! I didn’t even know that was possible! I was tied up against the piller on my back, missionary style and gagged with a ball gag. My pussy was wide open so that Aiden had full access to it. She used round contact points to stimulate my muscles and then used a glass dildo that was wired with electricity. The way that it worked was that it would send waves of electricity through my pussy but not all of the time so out of nowhere I would feel it all throughout my pussy and ass and it would be INTENSE! She was also using the Hitachi on my clit and as soon as it would feel so good and I would be about to cum, I’d feel a wave of electricity and I’d scream! It hurt at first and the contact points also hurt so I had to have them turn down the intensity on that. Eventually I got used to the electric dildo and had one of the best orgasms I’ve ever had!

The final scene was pretty crazy. The whole scenario from the beginning was that I was dying to eat her pussy so I was willing to take the torture until she let me have it. So the set up was that my neck was tied to the pillar and I was on my hands and knees. I had a leg bar tied to my ankles so I couldn’t move my legs and my arms were tied behind my back. On the floor right by my knees was copper tape and attached was a contact point and then a contact point on my leg with copper tape so that if my leg touched the copper on the floor, I’d be electrocuted. Also if I tried to cross over it without touching, I’d choke myself out because of the rope. I really did want to eat her pussy so it was really frustrating to focus on not getting choked and electrocuted. I did get to eat her pussy and I also got electrocuted like crazy. I literally jumped up in the air at one point!

I had a really good time shooting for www.wiredpussy.comand I got to meet a lot of cool girls that day that were also at the Armory shooting such as Krissy Lynn, Mellanie Monroe, TS girl Foxxy, Tara Lynn Foxx, Aiden Starr of course and Ashley Fires. All of those girls are hella cool and I can’t wait to work with all of them soon!

You’ve asked about it, begged for it and waited so patiently for my official site to be live! It’s been a very long road to get to this point and we’ve finally made it! I am so happy to finally say that my website has officially launched!! There’s a ton of content up right now and a ton more videos being edited as I type this. www.sierraskyelive.com is not just a porn site. www.sierraskyelive.com is a site that showcases my life as a porn star. I share with you my professional glammed out shoots, amateur videos/pictures, behind the scenes videos/pictures, q & a videos, recorded web cam shows, daily web cam shows and so much more. I want you to get to know me as the real me and not as some fake porn star. You guys have gotten to know me pretty well through my blog itself but now it’s time to take it to another level.

Today we launched around 2pm today and right away I had my first member so I hopped right on cam. I had fun chatting and teasing in the beginning and then later in the day I got back on cam and played with my pussy for everybody. My chat room got quiet real quick and I could tell I was making everyone very happy. I love knowing that my sexy members are on the other side of the screen, jerking their hard yummy cocks, JUST for ME! Mmmm, it seriously gets me wet just thinking about it!!

I still can’t even describe how happy that this day has finally come. For awhile there I thought this day would never come but I made it and couldn’t be happier. I also wanted to share that when I first launched my member’s forum, I had said there that my first 10 registered members would receive a free month’s membership to my site. Since today was the launch day the 10 ten winners are (and I’ve also posted this on my forum) :

mojotest
Slash5150
justo99
bobby_blake
NELSON599
CK61938
osu45804
goodmanw
dadreadednubian
devilsoulblack

I personally want to thank everyone that is a member at http://bbs.sierraskyelive.com and that has been active here on my blog. I really appreciate all of the support that you have shown up until this point and the continuous support you show in the future.

Overall, my day has been awesome. I loved being on cam almost all day and even after my hot cam show, I’ve kept the cam on while I work on the computer so you can watch while I work. If you’ve become a member make sure you post on my forum and give me feedback. I want to know you positive and negative thoughts. Also if you have requests for shoots, feel free to suggest away because I’ll make sure to fulfill all of them asap!! Thanks to those that have joined and those that will join in the future!

Here’s a sneak peak of my first cam show earlier. Trust me, you’re missing out if you’re not a member :

I went back to the court house this morning to see if I could get a new court date. As I come up to the 2nd floor, instead of there being 50+ people standing in the traffic line, there was 100+. Thankfully, I didn’t have to stand in that line and got to go to the collections line where there was no one waiting. The chick at the window was actually happy and she told me that it’d be no problem to get a new court date which gave me a sigh of relief. There was a catch and the catch was that they’re booked up until July. My license becomes suspended on June 5th so I have to get a temporary license until I go to my court date and get the verdict from that. My new court date is July 27th which is forever away so I’m really hoping the judge is nice and works with me because it’s a long ways away to then find out I’m fucked. I feel a little bit better about the situation since I got the new court date but I’m still stressed over it because I want it to be all over. To get my temporary license I would have had to stand in that 100+ line and I was not in the mood to deal with that, since there seemed to be over 10 babies crying. Instead I’m going to go back early in the morning some other day before June 5th to get that taken care of. I really don’t want to hand over my drivers license but I gotta do what I gotta do to get this all taken care of. Now it’s all just a waiting game.

I was thinking about writing about all of the shoots that I’ve done lately but it’s going to take forever and a lot of people have been requesting more vlogs so tonight when I get home, I’m going to update you all on what has been going on. I love to write but it’s nice to switch it up too; I want to make sure I keep you guys happy

As of right now, I’m at the office working diligently. There’s so many little things that need to be done to get it all pieced together. We had hoped that it’d be launched today but over the weekend, our server went down because it became fuller faster then we had thought it would. That all needed to be taken care of and wasn’t fixed until 4am this morning. Like I always say, there’s always something that’s holding us back but that makes me want to just work even harder. Today my editor (who is AMAZING) made my first trailer and it’s fucking awesomeeeee! My webmaster will have it up on freeones.com soon and most importantly, it’ll be my first trailer on the front of my site!! Everything is slowly falling into place so I can’t even tell you how excited I am!

Just to let everyone also know  (I’ll talk a little bit more about it in my vlog) that I’m feeling pretty much back to 100%. It’s been quite awhile since I’ve actually felt sad. I’m SO happy that I’m finally happy again. It turns out that the reason for my depression really was because I was off my birth control. It’s crazy to think that something like that would trigger such negative thoughts. I’ve never been that upset before and I’m glad I took the time to look back and figure out what had went wrong. If I wouldn’t have taken the time to do that, I’d still be in my negative funk right now, beating my head against the wall. I haven’t even taken a full week’s worth of pills yet and I feel like I can’t stop smiling for no particualar reason. It feels so nice to be back to the normal me. Unfortunately it does suck that I now know that I can’t go off birth control. My estrogen levels are kept level because of the birth control and it’s probably not healthy to have to rely on it to keep me sane but for now it’ll have to do. I’m just happy to have my motivation and drive back again. There was nothing worse then not wanting to do anything or go anywhere or be around anyone. I never ever want to feel like that again, so yay for being back to the normal, happy, perky and bubbily me! xoxo